


Luck and Anxiety

by Emerald_Mischief



Series: Loki Parents Tony [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Gentle Loki, Good Loki, Height Differences, Hurt Tony Stark, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Feels, Loki-centric, M/M, Oh My God, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony is a small bean, Tony-centric, Warning: Loki, ties them together aggressively
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 08:25:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8394409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald_Mischief/pseuds/Emerald_Mischief
Summary: These were his friends not the enemies he feared more than anything, so why did he feel better when the enemy was there? Why did the people he care about make him want to run and hide? Why did Loki instill a light feeling of trust and...dare he say it? Safety? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Was Loki the enemy still or did he just...understand.





	

“Sometimes when I sit too still it feels like the room is shaking, like an earthquake is taking place but I can’t actually feel it.” he wished he had said instead of “yeah, I’m just tired today. Don’t worry about it, I’ll have another coffee and Ill be good to go.” He hated the way they looked at him because they knew it was his 5th cup that day and no more could wake him up. He hated the way his hands shook as he took the pot of coffee off the maker to pour it unsteadily into his cup. He tried to take a steady breath in and let it out as carefully as he could but it was impossible, his body was rebelling against too much caffeine and anxiety that was heightened because of everything. He was tired of being strong, tired of being awake, tired of being tired and yet there was no possible chance of him righting his statement because now he had to be fine. Everyone was expecting him to be fine. He couldn’t let them down, not again. It was crushing, that weight of knowing that no matter how heavy his eyes got, no matter how heavy his shoulders felt, he couldn’t do anything but joke, laugh, smile.

“Maybe you should have some water.” a soft voice told him, a hand laying on his arm that told him she was on his right. “Coffee is water, just enhanced.” Tony quipped back easily, bringing the steaming mug up to his lips to take a hardy sip. “Tony, are you really okay?” she asked, again, for the second time because no one really ever dared to ask except for Natasha. “Aren’t I always?” he hated that, he hated how easily that lie rolled off his tongue and how easily Nat seemed to catch onto the way he just wasn’t okay. She didn’t poke or prod anymore however, something Tony was exceedingly thankful for, she knew when to push buttons and when it was not the right time. He looked over at the others while they laughed, Steve’s laugh was just a bit too loud and it sounded genuine, which was rare considering what hell they’ve been through. As thankful as he was to have them all there, together, happily joking and playing around with various video games and whatnot, Tony couldn’t help but look towards the clock every 10 minutes to see when they’d leave. He missed them as a distraction, he missed the fighting as one too, he missed the way he could take them all out for dinner, rent out the restaurant and leave piss drunk hanging on Thor because it seemed he never got wasted. He missed how Thor could drink them all under the table, idly wondering if Loki could too, if it was an Asgardian thing. He missed it but it was overwhelming to deal with.

All the noise, all the bodies, all the talking, laughing, eating...it was all too much right now and he felt the urge to run and hide. Tony hardly ever hid, he tried his hardest to never give into the flight response he felt, he would just close his eyes and take a few deep breaths in, concentrating on one singular sound out of the bunches that gathered around him. It didn’t seem to help though, not this time. He opened his eyes to put his mug down, watching Natasha frown at him in worry before silently giving him permission with an understanding nod for him to quietly slip away. Which he did. With a thankful smile. He hid in his room for a moment, resting against the door before moving to sit upon his bed, he rubbed against his ribs with a few of his calloused fingers, the mantra in his head told him to just breathe. These were his friends not the enemies he feared more than anything, so why did he feel better when the enemy was there? Why did the people he care about make him want to run and hide? Why did Loki instill a light feeling of trust and...dare he say it? Safety?

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Was Loki the enemy still or did he just...understand. Everyone else seemed to be rather blind to Tony’s mental health, not because they were ignorant, no, but because Tony didn’t want them to worry. He didn’t want Loki to worry either but it seemed the other was more in tuned with the sadness in his eyes and the tightness in his ribs, maybe he understood the lingering anxieties, the crippling depression and the pain that came from being on the outside looking in. “Sympathizing with the Devil, great.” Tony sighed, flopping backwards onto his plush, unmade bed. “He couldn’t possibly understand what its like to lose your family, be cast aside by your friends, be forced into space, die, create a murder bot–“ Tony blinked at the ceiling, tears welling in his eyes before turning to look over at the chair that sat against the far wall. Sitting in it was a black clad God, legs folded over one another, dressed delicately in an all black suit, his hands were also folded in his lap, he looked like a damn piece of art. “Do continue.” Loki’s voice was smooth as the silk tie he wore around his pale neck.

“I..” Tony sat up, fixing his shirt to cover his exposed lower half from when he flopped comfortably. Loki raised a well groomed eyebrow, awaiting his response, a continuation of the list he supposedly cannot begin to fathom what it felt like. The genius shook his head, closing his mouth with a frown, shoulders drooping in a battle he couldn’t win, not with the weight that was pulling him so quickly down. Loki unfolded his hands and legs in perfect timing, his long digits wrapped around the arms of the chair and lifted him gracefully up. He padded silently to the bed and took his place beside Tony, the genius’ grey suit clad knees were a hair away from Loki’s expensive, well tailored ones. He kept his eyes downcast, he didn’t feel it was appropriate to look at the God up close like this, he hadn’t done so since he was given a flying lesson out his living room window. Loki had no problem gazing at the other man, his eyes carefully traced over every exhausted line and fleck of hair that was barely turning grey with stress, the pale complexion the other had obtained. Tony could feel those emerald eyes on him, he couldn’t bare the thought of looking up to meet them but he couldn’t help but look at the others hands.

They were resting so casually against his legs, one was obviously fighting the urge to touch as it was curled tightly into a fist. Maybe he thought it too was inappropriate to be so open, so affectionate with someone he was suppose to hate. “I understand far more than you think...” that voice so close to his ear made Tony shiver, in anticipation of what should be accompanying the words. His hand uncurled, the knuckles regaining normal coloring instead of the bone white they were. Loki got up then, walking a little bit away from the bed to head over to the window, the curtains were shut as were the blinds, no light was coming through and no one could see in, or out. “You really shouldn’t talk about people when they’re not around, especially when you don’t know anything about them.” the God turned to lean against the sill, looking at Tony, crossing his arms over his chest. “Is there anyone that knows anything about you Loki?” Tony stood up, shoulders square. Loki frowned, straightening up to meet the others apparent defiant stance, Tony once more felt intimidated when the Trickster walked up to him, towered over him. “No, there isn’t. Not anymore. Just when I think there is, someone or something shows me that it is simply not worth it.” his voice wasn’t angry, it was absolutely drenched in sadness, Tony finally looked up to take in the others features that were now so close to his own. “Is there anyone that knows you, Tony Stark?” A pale, long fingered hand reached up then, the back of his digits caressed the pattern of half a heart along one side of Tony’s face, it was gentle, his skin was cold but the gesture was kind.

“The man under the armor, the face behind the mask. Do you even know your own face?” The Silver Tongued Lie smith whispered to him, thumb poised under the well sculpted facial hair covered chin of the genius before him. Tony swallowed, hard around the lump that formed in the center of his throat, he didn’t have an answer because he hadn’t looked in the mirror for weeks now. He saw the way Loki’s brows knitted together, how those eyes searched his own for the silent answer he already knew, he gave a nod and a very sorrowful smile. The taller male reached up with both hands then to so gingerly cup the sides of the smaller males face, “I know you.” he whispered, “I know you, Tony Stark.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know if any of that makes any sense at all so...any and all mistakes are mine, I don't own any of these characters, I simply write what they want me to. Sorry it ended abruptly. Thank you for reading~


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